Churros, bellhops, and gracefully raising teens.... 🤔
“It's time to check into our hotel room. Can you get out of the pool?” I asked my daughter.
You would have thought I asked her to eat 5 pounds of cooked broccoli. Eye roll, shoulder slump, mumbled response.
We were at Paradise Pier Hotel in Disneyland with 2 of her best friends whose families chose to stay at the pool for an extra 30 minutes before we met up again for dinner.
I wanted to change and get our 25 bags 🙄 up to the room before we had dinner so there were no after-dinner meltdowns.
Finally, we made it out of the pool and to the car. I decided that rather than pulling my car out of the parking lot and using a bellhop, we would just carry our stuff.
I like to have everything I might need! Suitcases, pillows, stuffies, shoe bag, cooler, food bag, multiple water bottles, dresses on hangers, and performance outfits (the girls got to perform on stage at California Adventure).
So there we were, soggy in our wet swimsuits, carrying a million bags, and feeling grumpy with each other.
By the time we were halfway through the lobby, someone asked if we needed help. I rolled my eyes and grumpily said, “No!”
Kicking myself that I didn’t just pull the car around and get help from the friendly bellhop.
When we finally arrived in our room, I had a cut on the inside of my elbow where one of our food bags had rubbed my skin raw. (You better believe I packed that food into Disneyland!!)
Have you ever done this? Gotten yourself in a situation where you know you’re making the wrong choice, but you have too much pride or stubbornness to change course?
This comes up a lot when it comes to parenting tweens and teens because if there’s one thing I know it’s that they like to push boundaries.
It’s their job! Literally, it’s what their stage of brain development is all about.
And as parents sometimes we dig in even harder. The more they push, the more frustrated we get. “This is how we do it. This is how we’ve always done it. And this is how we’ll continue to do it.”
But the truth about gracefully raising teens is that you have to be willing (preferably open) to change with them.
Not about everything. You should have a way to figure out what your true boundaries are, (more on this soon) but there will be many times where you need to let go of how you’ve always done it, and just go with the bellhop.
Our whole trip to Disneyland was an exercise in this for me.
When we collapsed into our room that night after having yet another disagreement, I was like, “Girl, can you practice what you preach?”
Can you allow your connection to look different?
Can you honor her desire to be with friends and not take it personal?
Can you just buy the damn churro even though you have a backpack full of food that you’ve been carrying all day?
Can you truly be excited for this next phase you’re moving into?
The answer was yes! After that first night of trying to hold onto my stubborn ways, I embraced the experience. We stayed at the park ‘til midnight. 😳 The girls ate a churro a day. We split up and my oldest got to ride the big rides and be with her besties, and my youngest and I did our own thing.
And we all had a great time.
My work and writing will get richer the deeper we dive into the tweens and teens around here. I know the work I do is important for my clients, myself, and the relationship I have with my daughters.
And I am dedicated to continuing to practice what I preach and share with you how it goes!
